the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
