I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
