you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
