i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize