I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
