Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
