I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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