dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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