If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Small penises have feelings too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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