TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
