why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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