There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
