Only a mothe r could love this liver
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
