you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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