cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
