i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
