so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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