Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
