Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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