our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
