Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i've created a new STD.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
