I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
