That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
