I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
