Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
