I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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