I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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