You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize