Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think my vagina is haunted
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize