cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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