I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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