If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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