the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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