tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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