If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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