better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
