Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
