Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize