the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
