filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
