These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize