I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
