this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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