What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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