im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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