Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
