how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
is that a dick in a sweater?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
