why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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