You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
