i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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