I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
