I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
