I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize