My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
