we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
