Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize