Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
