So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
