I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
