my phone needs a breathalizer
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
