I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
