Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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