eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
