I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize