How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
