Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
