I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
