i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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