Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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