I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I understand Curling. That high.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
