dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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