I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
