Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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