He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
