I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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