Non-Jews are for practice
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Randomize