if only i could text you this smell
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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