Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
