he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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