And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
