mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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