Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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