Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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