I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
