He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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