Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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