I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
