I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
