forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
