i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
