I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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