so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
