We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
