Where did you get a picture of my penis
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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