there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
