at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
