matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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