I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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