Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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