so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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