He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
