So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
