I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Couch. On fire.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
