Your dad touched me again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
