yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
