mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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