Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
