put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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