i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
