I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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