the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize