sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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