you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
