She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
